Raising Adults: Learning to Let Go and Lean In
Reflections on My Parenting Journey
I used to think parenting’s main goal was to raise and successfully—whatever that means—launch young adults into the world. You know: birth ‘em, burp ‘em, potty train ‘em, teach them to ride bikes, say sorry, say thank you, choose good friends, do well in school, maybe play a sport or an instrument, love others, get a job, graduate, pick a path… done. Then they’d go live their lives, and I’d be off the hook. Gold star for me!
Why I believed that, I’m not sure. But here’s what I know now: parenting doesn’t end at 18. Parenting adult kids—and the mental and emotional energy it requires—still surprises me.
That old saying, “the days are long but the years are short”, is true. I used to roll my eyes when seasoned parents told me to “enjoy it.” Turns out, they knew what I didn’t—the ache of a quiet house, the nostalgia of couch snuggles, and the joy of a dinner table full of stories and laughter.
Now, I sometimes miss the days when the biggest drama was who got the blue cup or the larger slice of cake. Those simple squabbles seem sweet compared to the weightier struggles our kids now face: lost friendships, disappointment, identity questions, faith doubts, health issues, and the growing awareness of how hard the world can be.
We want to clear the path for our kids, to make life easier than it was for us. And that desire isn’t wrong. But sometimes we forget how we became who we are—through mistakes, heartbreak, and hard-earned growth. We found our limits, our strengths, and the grace to ask for help.
As a mom of adult kids, I have thoughts and opinions—but they mostly only hear the ones they ask for. It’s a dance: biting my tongue, taming my face, waiting for them to come to me.
And here’s the secret: there’s freedom in letting go. Releasing the need to control outcomes changed everything. When I stopped clinging to the what ifs and embraced the even ifs, my anxiety plummeted. Trusting their journey has been life-giving—for me and, I think, for them too. A win-win.
The unexpected gift? A new kind of relationship. One rooted not in control, but in trust, presence, and quiet influence. Watching your kids become themselves—and still choosing to share their lives with you—is the sweetest thing. The conversations are deeper, the laughter richer, and the love more profound.
It’s not the end of parenting. It’s the start of something new—and honestly, something beautiful.
