The Key to Overcoming Overwhelm, Burnout, Fatigue, and Anxiety: Befriend Your Nervous System
If your therapist isn’t teaching you about your nervous system, they have left one of the most powerful tools for healing on the table.
I’ve been an expert in the treatment of stress and anxiety for five years, with 23 years of experience in the mental health space. But it wasn’t until I truly understood how my nervous system worked—through the lens of polyvagal theory—that everything clicked into place. This framework has not only transformed my work with clients but has also unlocked a deeper sense of joy, self-compassion, and emotional resilience in my own life.
So, What is Polyvagal Theory?
Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, is a groundbreaking way to understand how our nervous system navigates life’s challenges. It moves beyond the simplistic “fight or flight” model, showing how our body shifts through three key states:
Connection and calm (ventral vagal): When we feel safe and grounded. Common feelings described in this state are: calm, peace, balance and flow.
Mobilization (sympathetic): When we’re energized and ready to face challenges, often experiencing increased focus, alertness, or even restlessness that can transition into anxiety when left unchecked.
Protective withdrawal (dorsal vagal): When we shut down to conserve energy, often feeling disconnected, numb, or distant in response to overwhelming stress.
These states are natural and adaptive—they’re not flaws to be fixed. By understanding these patterns, we can work with our nervous system, creating balance and fostering deeper resilience, connection, and growth.
Key Insights:
1. Our Nervous System is Our Ally, Not Our Enemy
Polyvagal theory offers a profound mindset shift: our nervous system isn’t something to battle with—it’s a protector, always working to keep us safe.
This perspective has helped my clients learn to value the signals their bodies send—racing thoughts, tense muscles, or heaviness in the chest—rather than push them away. Instead of criticizing your nervous system for reacting to stress or trauma, you can start to see it as your ally. This fosters self-compassion and creates space for healing.
2. It’s About Regulation, Not Constant Calm
Here’s my confession: as someone who’s spent years specializing in anxiety, I thought I “should” or “could” reside in a constant state of calm. If I just used the right tools and techniques, I believed I could stay cool and collected 24/7.
I was wrong. And, trying to stay in that place had me working against my body instead of with my body.
What polyvagal theory taught me is that life is about movement between nervous system states. We’re not meant to be calm all the time! It’s about regulation—learning how to shift between states and return to balance when needed. No state is “bad”; it’s all part of our body’s intelligent design. Embracing this idea allowed me to fully experience life again, with all its messiness and beauty.
3. The Power of Co-Regulation
Have you ever been around someone and just felt their stress, as if it seeped into your own body? Or, on the flip side, sat with someone whose calm presence made you feel instantly at ease, safe, and grounded?
This is the power of co-regulation.
As social beings, we naturally influence and regulate each other’s nervous systems. Eye contact, soothing tones, a gentle touch—all of these can help us feel safe and connected. Relationships can be one of the greatest sources of healing when we tap into this power. However, the flip side is also true: relationships can also be a source of dysregulation if they’re chaotic or unsafe. Understanding this dynamic has transformed the way I approach relationships, both personally and professionally.
4. Tuning into Our Nervous System Cues
Polyvagal theory teaches us to notice the subtle signals our body sends, like a racing heart or feelings of disconnection. These cues are not random—they’re our nervous system’s way of communicating what it needs.
When we approach these signals with curiosity instead of judgment, they become a roadmap for navigating and releasing stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. This self-awareness is a game-changer for creating a more balanced and joyful life.
A Love Letter to Imperfection and Growth
What resonated the most about fully understanding my nervous system is that it allowed me to be perfectly imperfect. Polyvagal theory beautifully illustrates that being human is not about being perfect; it’s about being resilient and adaptive.
This understanding has freed my clients (and me!) from the trap of thinking, “I should always be calm.” Instead, we’ve learned to view our body’s responses as acts of protection—signals designed to keep us safe. By acknowledging these cues with gratitude and reminding ourselves that we have the tools to navigate tough emotions and challenges, we can approach difficult moments with greater resilience and self-compassion.
This simple shift changes everything.
My Personal Toolkit
Over the years, I’ve developed a set of simple practices that help me regulate my nervous system and find balance. Some of my favorite tools include yoga, gardening, spending time in the mountains, taking long walks, and connecting with loved ones where I can be truly authentic.
Every nervous system has its own needs, and it takes time and self-awareness to discover what works best for you when you’re feeling out of balance.
Here are five practices that many people find helpful:
Deep, rhythmic breathing – Focus on long exhales to calm your system.
Nature – Step outside, feel the sun, and reconnect with the natural world.
Gentle movement – Engage in yoga, stretching, or a relaxing walk.
Social connection – Reach out to someone who helps you feel safe and supported.
Mindfulness – Anchor yourself in the present moment without judgment.
Polyvagal theory reminds us that each person is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. These strategies are a starting point, but finding what soothes your nervous system is a personal journey that requires reflection, experimentation, and patience.